False Reflection
by Neon Blue Fox
Summary: Yue spends a night thinking about things.


Disclaimer: I don't own any thing from Card Captor Sakura that is used here without permission but since I'm not making any money and mearly doing so for the enjoyment of myself and other fans I hope you won't sue me.

Card Captor Sakura:

False Reflection.

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I stand here still wearing the loose fitting pajama pants I put on in my false form. I find it comforting at night to not bother to rearrange them into my normal attire because they still smell like him. I have the memories of it of course but they aren't him making love to me it's him making love to a false me one created because Clow knew I'd never allow myself to love or so he thought. At first I know I resisted I mean he wasn't Clow but now that is why I love him. Sakura showed me what a true master should be and while I will always love Clow, for he is my creator, I do not love him as I once did. I loved him totally because I didn't know what it was to be loved even vicariously threw a puppet or to have the unconditional love of a friend that my new master gives me.

Yue watched as Touya shifted in the bed coming to rest with one arm thrown back over his eyes. The blanked had fallen down to reveal his lightly muscled chest. Yue resisted the temptation to reach out and touch Touya knowing if he did he'd have to switch back to Yukito, Touya was an uneasy sleeper and still very aware of his surroundings even after giving up his power. 

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I could give it back and then I'd be free to do away with Yukito but I can't because he'd hate me. That's what makes Yukito such a prison because even though I control him even though everything he is comes from me I can't take off that mask Clow shackled me with out of some arrogant idea that he was doing the right thing. I can never take off that mask because he'll hate me and I'm too weak to let that happen I'd rather spend the rest of my life in misery until the day I am forced to return to sleep. I hate that he chooses a mask over me am I so horrible that he cannot even love me. Every time I have stood near him in my true form he's cold and brittle none of the loving man who holds Yukito at night and tells him how much he loves him is there.

Yue walks over to the window to look out. Noticing with a rare smile that it is nearly the time of the full moon one of the few times he is happy anymore because the very night air seems to shimmer with the power that is his life's blood. He remembered the few times Clow let them out it was usually at night on a full moon he used to love flying on that night since it was so easy and just a simple joy. Keroberus was always jealous that Clow choose those nights instead of a few days where the sun would shine.

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I wish I could take Touya flying on that night but I know he'd refuse if I asked. I wish Yukito had wings like Keroberus' false form does then at least I could fly with him and pretend it was me carrying him instead of a puppet. However I know I'm doomed to just relive the memories of our flight to help Sakura against Eriol. He doesn't know hard it was to set him down since I knew it would be the only chance I ever had of holding him like that. Look at me the strongest of the Clow cards reduced to wallowing in self pity by a simple human.

Yue turned and stalked toward the bed his anger at himself causing him to think about just waking Touya up and telling him everything. Yue stopped as Touya turned over in his sleep and mumbled something wistful that sounded like Yukito. Yue stopped and fought back tears.

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Even if I told him he'd never love me he'd think I was lying out of some hatred over Yukito being able to feel. He even told Yukito once he didn't know how he came from me since I have no emotions. I almost brought myself to hate him then just because I don't show them does not mean I don't feel. I just don't know how to show them Keroberus learned because he had freedom to be himself even in his false form I was shackled with a mask that everyone loves so no one bothered to see if I had anything worth looking for except my Mistress. I sometimes think I should have fallen for her but while I love her dearly there is something about her brother that drew me. How he is kind and gentle in private but strong and reserved in public so much like Clow on the surface but underneath so very different. I look at him and I see what Clow could have been if he hadn't been jaded by always being able to see the future and the burdens placed on him by his power. 

Yue looks at the picture of Sakura laughing sitting on her brother's shoulders. It had been taken in the park shortly after Syaoran had left to cheer her up her brother had remarked he'd let her ride his shoulders again like she used to. Yue stared at the picture with a mix of longing and joy.

I sometimes wonder if Clow would be jealous of my mistress despite her power which has the potential to be far greater than his ever was she has retained a love of life and remains happy not just amused as Clow seemed to be. I sometimes wonder if that was what Clow thought he was giving me with Yukito a way to be happy since he doubted I could ever get over him. I think Eriol regrets what he did as Clow but he cannot seem to make himself feel that Clow was wrong in his vision of the future.

Yue heard a groan and a muffled. "Yukito?"So he resumed his false form and walked back over to the bed."Why are you up?" A hint of concern creeping into his voice as he glanced at the desk where the pictures of his sister set. 

"I just had a nightmare is all." Yukito said cheerfully. "I didn't want to wake you go back to sleep I'll join you shortly." 

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I hate how perfect this mask is you can't even tell I'm upset at all when I speak threw it. The lies are just two easy to let slip this mask is just too perfect. Touya is frowning at me does something of my thoughts show even though I know it's impossible I can't help but feel a small bubble of hope.

"Not without you." Touya gets up and walks over calmly. Unaware of the effect seeing him in only a pair of faded sleep pants is having on the being within his love. "Come back to bed and tell me about it?" He says placing his arms tenderly around Yukito and giving him a brief kiss.

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I hate this I should tell him but I know I won't. I need to do something to stop this I can't take another empty night of pretending it's actually me he loves. Even if I can't tell him the whole truth I can tell him some of it.

Yukito pulled back and Touya looked at him worriedly. "I just dreamed that you didn't love the real me Touya." He leaned his head down on the other mans shoulder he couldn't look into his eyes. "I dreamed all you saw was a mask someone forced me to wear and if you ever saw the real me you wouldn't like me at all."

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Please understand what I'm saying figure it out I know you can if you try. Please I can't bring myself to tell you but if you figure it out I'll confirm it if you ask just please ask. 

"Don't worry Yuki your real and I love you more than life itself." He ran his hand up and down on Yukito's back in a gesture of comfort. "Your the only one I love."

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All I feel is pain this is worse than when I was dying but like the perfect puppet it is Clow's mask makes my words happy and cheerful despite how sad they sound in me head. I hoped and prayed to that he would figure it out but he won't ever know how much what he just said hurt me. 

All the mask said as Touya waited for a reply was. "I know." And then it led the way back to the bed and another empty night of pretending.

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I suppose there are worse things than only being loved for your false reflection. Or atleast that's what I have to tell myself to get threw each of these nights.

the End.

Rather or not there will be a sequel is up in the air I would like to hear if anyone would be interesting in a sequel to this fic.

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End file.
